About this deal
In control: Dangerous relationships and how they end in murder by Jane Monckton-Smith © Bloomsbury Publishing Plc. Part case study, part social commentary and part memoir of a woman dealing with domestic homicide, In Control shows that there are clear signs when a relationship is about to turn violent - we've just been trained not to see them.
Sadly, our children should read this too before they get too far down the track of looking for partners and relationships.The book reminds us that coercive control is often difficult to identify and understand, despite its recognition in law. Coercive control is frequently driven by the fears of its perpetrators, and maintained by the fears of its victims.
She's ex-police with years of experience and expertise she explains every stage in these relationships clearly and concisely. I’m in recovery from a long coercive but non violent relationship that I left because things seemed to be escalating and was recommended this by my therapist. It’s a really harrowing experience to see the sheer number of examples for all types of scenarios in all types of relationships that she is able to procure. I would like to have seem more about the work being done to stop the abuse but I guess that is for another book. In the case of Vincent, Donna told her family that she had not been forced to watch Coronation Street the night before she was murdered.
The scary thing is the individuals in this book flipped when they felt their idealised image, their self-esteem, their status was threatened. Early on, he blamed past relationship failures on his ex-girlfriend, without acknowledging his own role. Jane does a fabulous job of highlighting control ways we can all sometimes contribute to victim shaming and forces us all to take accountability in our approach of the victims of such debilitating, unsettling and trauma fuelled abuse. I wish I had known this 15 years ago but feel excited and empowered to make a difference now with what I have learnt. It took me a long time to read as some of the material is pretty heavy going and needs some 'away from the book' processing.